Monday, May 01, 2006

Spilling the Beans

I've been tagged by Joy Eliz to spill 10 beans about myself. First time I've been tagged. Normally, I just quietly invite myself to participate.

1. I am 5'10" - I have been this tall since I was 11 years old.

2. I have always wanted to be a writer, ever since I was a little kid. Ok, I first wanted to be a ballerina, but I have the coordination of a baby giraffe, so writer was my 2nd choice. I know what I want to write about, and I have written over 1000 pages in an effort to pull it together, but I can't find my voice (1st person? 3rd person?) and I don't think I will ever finish without an editor.

3. I wish I had spent more effort when I was younger building friendships, rather than trying to find the perfect man. I only have a few close friends. Only one of them lives near me, and that's a fairly new relationship.

4. I am a published poet (only 2 times, and never in Atlantic Monthly). I think this drive to be published is deeply rooted in a desire to leave something timeless and meaningful behind, something that says to the world: "I was here!" My current fantasy is about being published in Somerset Studio.

5. I have a hard time staying focused on projects because I am interested in so many things. But I'm often afraid to try new things if I think I may not be successful.

6. I have been married twice. My first husband was Egyptian. He married me for a green card. I divorced him just a few months shy of when he would be eligible for it, even though we'd been separated for years. I met my current (and hopefully forever) husband on the internet.

7. I once had a steamy love affair with a South African male model. I sometimes wonder what happened to him.

8. Throughout my life, I have tended to define myself through the relationships I have with others, especially men. I don't like this about myself, and have been able to move beyond it the past few years. Living by myself for a year before meeting my husband helped a lot. But I'm noticing that the first things that come to mind to include in this list are tidbits about past relationships. I suppose they have had an impact on who I've become. But they are not all that I am.

9. I really really wanted to have a daughter when I found out I was pregnant. All through my pregnancy I kept hoping for a girl. Now that I have Jakob, I'm not sad that he is a boy. But still I am a little sad that all the plans I ever had about telling a daughter things or passing down family heirlooms (like jewelry) will never be realized.

10. My maternal grandmother died when I was 15. We were a lot alike and very close. She died of colon cancer. It was only 3 months from when she was diagnosed to when she died. She ignored the symptoms for a long time, until it was too late. Sometimes I still get really angry with her about this. I often imagine what it would be like to spend time with her now, to work on projects together, to talk to, to travel with.

I am going to tag Scott and Cat to "Spill 10 Beans about Yourself." It's not optional! Let's see how much influence I have.


Anonymous Adrienne said...

Loved learning a little bit more about you!

2:22 PM  
Blogger Cat said...

You tagged me?! You know I love a challenge . . .10 tidbits about me . . .hmmmm . . .stay tuned, I'll post something.

3:42 PM  
Blogger flossy-p said...

I predict Jakob will have a daughter one day, then you and your grand daughter will get up to all sorts of mischief!

4:22 PM  
Blogger Joy Eliz said...

Wow! there's even more 'juicy' amaze me! In the good way;)
I'm still working on my digital...that work shop is excellent. The only problem is that there are too many choices in effects...oh well!

8:09 PM  
Blogger Holly said...

Wonderful! I have yet to do mine as I was tagged last week. I will have to get to it soon. Cheers!

9:40 AM  
Blogger Kim Carney said...

I love all of that, thank you for sharing. I too, would tend to define myself by relationships and wish I had not done that either, Now let's talk about the steamy affair with the model ;)

10:16 AM  
Blogger ~michelle~ said...

Nice use of the word "steamy!" And I'll keep my fingers crossed for you about the Somerset Studio gig!

4:06 PM  

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